Stranger

I created this blog as a requirement for a class. I honestly forget I had it until I went to post on a friend's blog and remembered I had a login for posting comments. I find it ironic that 6 months after creating a blog entitled "Permanent Fifth Grader" I transferred up to middle school. I guess I'll have to work on changing my title or maybe just live in the irony. It is a suitable title for me though. Despite working in 8th grade I have the mentality of a 5th grader. God knows I have the sense of humor of one.
I think the title also suits the lifestyle I've been living these days. I've come to realize I don't have much of a life at all. This feeling manifested itself in a dream I had last night. I couldn't seem to figure out where I fit in. I wandered around a room full of people and couldn't find a way to connect with them. I wound up sitting alone on the wall bored. Lately this is how I've been living. I've neglected a social life and have been pouring myself into my work and my students' lives because it makes me feel fulfilled to be working toward something bigger than myself; the enrichment of young lives. While I do feel that is true, I think the real reason I feel so fulfilled is that when I'm working I have a purpose. I feel needed and useful. Isn't that what we all want? So it stands to reason is my choice of teaching and self-inflicted poverty really a noble choice filled with sacrifice or is it in fact a completely selfish decision based on my own prideful needs for validation and respect?